I make it my personal policy (cannot speak for Anne here) that I do not argue with those who oppose ending a pregnancy to save a mother’s life. Please, please yell at me to stick to that policy. Remind me how foolish it is to get involved in arguments that are impossible for me to handle without getting emotional. Remind me how I vowed to sever any relationship that stood opposed to our decision 3 years ago without ever looking back. Remind me how my parents, my VERY conservative pastors, my most trusted, pro-life Christian mentors supported us. Remind me that I don’t have to answer every single quack who calls me a murderer. Remind me of Karen’s most encouraging words- that in 30 years of working in the pro-life movement, she did not encounter one person who would oppose what we did in our circumstance.
Remind me that I am accountable to NO ONE but God, my Father, and that the law of Doug Phillips does not trump the law of God and the love and mercy of Jesus Christ.
What you do not have to remind me about is that I love my baby. Had I received anything but a completely terminal diagnosis for her, I would’ve continued on in that pregnancy without question. I would’ve risked a hysterectomy (which was also a possibility) or the certainty of C-sections for every subsequent delivery. I would’ve GLADLY welcomed a disabled child into our lives. That was not our Grace. I remember the 27 hours of agony I endured to have her born whole. I remember how it felt when she was born, the strange sensation of birthing her. I remember holding my firstborn in my hand, and how her hands were folded together and curled up under her cheek, like a baby asleep. My mom said that my grandpa passed into glory looking exactly the same way. I remember singing all the lullabies and hymns I had planned for her. I remember reading Scripture to her. I remember my mom and dad holding her and how they looked at her with such utter love. I rejoice that my dad, one of the 5 people on earth to hold her, was the first to hold her iin Heaven and is now joined with her in the heavenly chorus, singing praises to God Almighty in the Heavenly City. I remember my courageous, loving, amazing husband tell me that however long I held her would never be enough.
See, I’m too emotional… which is why I should never have posted on In a Shoe.
Wahooo, this site is awesome!!!!! You go, girls!
(When I get to my blog today, I’ll be sure to add you to my roles).
In a Shoe means well. They just can’t think for themselves. They may not be that way forever. It’s just the camp. It doesn’t allow for critical thinking.
We are all pro-life. Some of us just include the life of the mother in our pro-life stance. Silly us. How selfish we are.
Jennifer. I love you, my sister. You know me well enough to know that I will argue it, and that it will break my heart to do so.
You and I are both pro-life, but simply think that our lives are valuable too. There is nothing shameful about that.
Jennifer, you and Anne are so brave to be telling your stories.
Thank you.
Cally and Anne
I am sorry this is causing so much pain…
Truly sorry.
I for one, am deeply grateful for you both. I wish I could reach out across the miles and just wrap my arms around you. I am so very sorry it is so raw. I wish we weren’t having this discussion- I wish Doug Phillips would stop trying to play god.
Blessings to you dear ones.
Cally,
I just read your comment about bowing out of that discussion on thatmom’s website. This topic was also deeply painful for me for some of the reasons that I have shared there and on the True Womanhood site this past week. Twice, my husband came home from work twice last week to find me (logging on in the late afternoon) crying over this whole issue. On a personal level, this subject is difficult because of my own failed pregnancies and the health problems that really have thrown a monkey wrench in my marriage in general. (We’ve spent years surviving illness and really have been in no position to adopt, though we tread water well enough that people on the outside, looking inward, do not have that opinion. Those who have been available enough or close enough to us have repented and apologized, but we struggle with that all the time. Chronic illness stinks!
Then there is the personal smack to me that essentially implicates me as an accessory to many murders or essentially ineffective in my endeavors to help save babies or mothers. It is a smack in the face on many levels and is very personal for me. Some of the most painful professional experiences I have had involve the OB cases from my ICU experiences. Then to hear that, as a very ideologically driven person who chose the profession that I did for ideological reasons, that I am reduced to a utilitarian and a pragmatist is very difficult if I do not put that into perspective.
Then there are my personal experiences that stem from my own difficult birth experience. I spent 2 weeks in what would now be NICU and was not expected to live. My mother was treated as less than human in her own L&D experience. That contributed to what was anticipated to be my own demise. So I am strongly attached to these issues of birthing on a very deep and defining level. I was expected to die on the day I was born, the day my grandfather went out and bought family burial plots as they would be soon needed. But I lived, so I bear a deep sense of responsibility for that. I see my role as a duty as an agent of positive change. This whole VF/Witherspoon business makes both my working outside the home a matter of shame and rebellion as well as my actual work efforts and experience in this area.
And then there is the whole impact of what this means to other Christian women and those who are not Christian. The whole thing is obscene. Then there is the idea (that we can never really substantiate) that this all could be a marketing ploy to make a market for the latest VF product: tapes from the Witherspoon school. This may be all politics and business for these people. I find most VF people to be emotionally inappropriate and detached on various levels. They may not even be capable of processing this material in a meaningful or edifying way… This might all be politics and schtick. And as so many in VF’s thought reform, they are too emotionally handicapped to realize their own utilitarianism.
It’s all insane.
So I can relate to the pain of it all, in my unique perspective. It cuts very deeply and I have stepped back from it. The fact that many of these folks have proven themselves to be heartless in the past on other matters makes it easier to comprehend.
I’m sorry for all that this topic has hurt. I’m sorry and ashamed that Christians are promoting the VF callousness and idiotic dogma, further perpetuating what I think is an anti-Christ message. But I’m glad that it has caused you to light a candle to dispel the darkness in your corner of the world.
Rejoice in God’s Salvation and Love. May He heal all your wounds and may they be glorious with His divine light.
Oh Cindy! Once again, you have inspired, encouraged, and blessed me. I am so sorry for the pain you have endured. Your diligence in getting the word out about these people so often keeps me going. Thank you.
I have to echo Jennifer’s sentiment. Cindy, I am so sorry that this subject has hurt you as well. I agree with all you have said here and am equally frustrated by it all.