I just found your blog. I am so glad that people haven’t forgotten about the Pearls and are still speaking out.

The Pearls advice to a woman to not divorce her pedophile husband is horrible.

One of your commentators mentioned that the Pearls seek to protect kids from sexual abuse. It is true that the Pearls suggest that parents not let their children attend sleep overs or have privacy in their own bedrooms. Their excuse is that they are somehow keeping their kids pure. But this sounded like an effort to have complete control over their own children to me.

I am trying to write a series of article on my own blog about the Pearls. I really want people to be aware of this family and their influence on some Christian families.

My son was born to me, a single mother, never married, a week after my 20th birthday. With the support of my family I went back to school to receive my nurses training and I used that education to support him (who knew I was supposed to be directing trafic?) and when he was still a toddler I met the man who is now my husband and who has raised my son as his own and loved him as his own since we met.

The Lord provides. I knew that I had to be extra careful who I brought into my child’s life. And so did God. Our job is to look after our children and He will look after us.

I am grateful that I am not judged by the Pearls, but by a loving and forgiving God who knows everything I’ve ever done wrong and loves me anyway. There is room in true Christianity for all of us, and in it we are all equal.

Peace to you, and your son.

When you point to the “good fruit,” it is only honest to point to the “bad fruit” as well — the broken families, the hurting children who never can “measure up,” the mothers who spank harder and more frequent to “be consistent. . .” These things DO happen in families where everything is “done right” according to the Pearls’ teachings.

These are families where the Gospel of Jesus Christ is lost sight of and so-called “Biblical” living becomes an idol. These are not simply excesses of “legalism,” but the true fruit of teachings that lose sight of the Gospel.

Anne has shared some of her experiences. . . Meggan has shared hers. . . and Jo grew up with this parenting. . .

Just because the Pearls promise certain outcomes, doesn’t mean that’s how it will play out in each family. I’d really encourage everyone to read through the above stories.

Grace and peace,
TG

I so agree with you on the terrible disservice the Pearls do to minds when the objectively write off anyone who doesn’t fit neatly into their paradigm. Their language is full of shame and condemnation. That’s the very thing that Jesus stood against.

Peace be with you, and thank you so much for sharing your story. You are an inspiration to single moms everywhere. Your son has a true treasure of a mother.

What I would like to address as a particular concern of mine, and one that is close to my heart, is the portrayal of single mothers in CTBHHM. Although I am not a Christian, I have many, many friends who profess Christianity, and many of them have been or are currently affiliated with the more “fringy” elements of Christian lifestyle emulated by the Pearls. When I was pondering the notion of marriage back in 2005 (not that anyone had asked; I was just pondering, is all ), one of these dear friends suggested the book to me. Having already heartily rejected NGJ and TTUAC, I was seriously skeptical about reading anything else written by the Pearls, especially anything having to do with marriage, but because I was not religiously identified, per se, I decided it couldn’t hurt……hmmmm. I wish I had never laid eyes on any of their teachings. I also wish that I could reference the book more accurately, but from what I can remember, the description is closer to the beginning of the book and describes single mothers (women such as myself) as dressing cheaply, having ragged haircuts, working worthless waitress jobs or traffic directing jobs (??), dating creepy men who are all potential child molesters (and then leaving our children alone with such men while we dash out to our food stamp appointments or minimum wage jobs), raising horrible, untrained, bitter, resentful brats that “no man wants to stepfather”, living life as low-rent, second-rate mate choices for eligible men who look over our heads at younger women with “no strings attached”, suffering through our children’s adolescence as the objects of their well-deserved derision and disrespect, and ultimately living a lonely, empty life because we raised our kids without fathers, and driving ourselves alone to our doctor’s appointments when we finally discover the lumps in our breasts….

Although I doubt anyone here still looks to the Pearls for wisdom or acceptance, I am hoping that someone else read that description in CTBHHM and knows what I’m talking about. After I read it, I felt horrible. As if it’s not bad enough that it’s the wife’s fault if the husband has a pornography, prostitution, alcohol or rage addiction, or if he just doesn’t feel intimate…….I was never even married. Where does that leave me, or my son? Of course I realize that my son’s father and I didn’t go about things in the “right” way….so that somehow makes it ok for Debi Pearl to curse me with a lifetime of isolation from my son, a lifetime of matelessness, and breast cancer? Huh?? What about his dad? He’s never been involved, but from what I’ve heard over the years has lead a life of carefree girls and parties…..but that’s….what? OK?

And just to clarify: I may be a single mother, but I know that I did the right thing by not having an abortion. I also know that, when I was four months pregnant and searching for a name for the baby, Hashem not only gave me a name, He also told me very clearly that I was going to raise the child. He never said I’d do it alone, or that I wouldn’t do it alone, just that I would do it. I also have completed 5 1/2 years of college since my son was born, I speak three languages, and my son is an amazing, intelligent, loving, respectful young man that I am blessed with every day. I have never left him alone with creepy people, because I don’t have creepy people in my life, and, even though it might be lonely, I would rather that than be with a bad man. I’ve had two serious relationships over the past ten years, but my son has never even so much as seen me hold hands with or kiss a man. I may be a single mom, but I know what a good man is, and my son is well along his way to becoming one.

Too bad the vicious hate-mongering of the Pearls is being marketed to young families. It’s very, very, sad.

I’m glad that you are so happy with your family. I’m prone to thinking that if that’s the case, it’s has more to do with how you have chosen to implement the Pearl’s teachings than how they teach their methods.

That said, I’m disappointed to see you so easily gloss over such a dangerous teachings as the ones you admit to having issues with.

More than that I’m sad to see you so easily gloss over a major issue brought up here on this blog and elsewhere that they are teaching that guilt and sin can be removed from children with the switch, which is blatant heresy.

No one is lying here about the Pearl’s. As we’ve said repeatedly, we don’t know them and can’t speak to their character. This is about what they teach.

I have not intentionally decieved anyone, and if you can show me something that I have said in error, I encourage you to do so.

And I’d like to share that all those qualities you saw in your friend can be achieved with graceful parenting and without the switches recommended by the Pearls. I have seen it.

HK said:I just read all of the comments on this blog, and couldn’t possibly address everything that has been brought up. First of all taking a tiny portion of the Pearl’s writings and then bad mouthing them for the tiny excerpt, which I’ve seen some on here have been altered, is obviously wrong.

The Pearl’s quotes have not been altered, and the link is provided so that they may be read in context.

Still, even if you were right and the only problem with the Pearl’s were these statements (which I don’t believe) then I think it totally worth it to shout from the rooftops not to follow these teachings unless this is revoked entirely.

When children are sexually abused it changes who they are forever. It creates wounds in them that threaten to destroy them from the inside out and take a lifetime to heal from. The only thing for the Pearl’s to say to a situation like this is to get out, get the kids out, and do everything in their power to make sure that he never is able to do that to another child again.

If you’ll look at any of the Pearl’s writings, they have written a huge amount of articles to strongly wake up parents and help them guard their children against pedofiles. They are constantly, urgently, strongly warning parents to guard their children every waking minute, and then to those who have been hurt by one, to not keep their mouth shut, to report it to the authorities, and prepare to testify against the wrong doer.

Which is yet another example of how their material is confusing and contradictory. And yet another reason not to follow them. I mean, which is it? Guard your kids or let the perpetrator stay if he repents?

I could go into why the sodomite comment is dead-on, to call them anything that isn’t disgusting would be anti-Bible.

Well, you’d be wasting your time. My bible doesn’t use the word, and I believe that all of us (including gay people) are children of God and should be treated with love and respect. I hope you use equally harsh words for your own sins?

Just for the record, you are all missing a huge blessing. Our children and happy, stable, and very obedient Christ-honoring children, thanks to “To Train up a Child”, and my marriage was just about to end before I found “Created to Be His Help Meet”. Now it is wonderful and glorious! Don’t let the devil deceive you any more.

If what was happening in my home was a “blessing” then I’m happy to give it up, thanks. My children are well behaved, healthy and happy without TTUAC and NGJ. Choosing not to use dangerous and heretical material is not letting the “devil deceive” me. But thank you for the concern.

Also, just for the record again, I contacted Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble, and they happily sell many NGJ materials. I don’t have much time, or I would write pages and pages of how dangerous what you are all doing is, in destroying families.

Well, if you ever feel the urge, feel free to share. Somehow I don’t see speaking out against the Pearl’s materials as “destroying families” but I do think that you make my case for me about how they are selling fear.

Use TTUAC or you’ll raise “little terrorists”!
If you speak out against TTUAC or NGJ you’re destroying families and being decieved by the devil!

The sky isn’t falling. It’s being held by our Lord and Savior. And I’ll trust in Him over Michael Pearl any day.