Tomorrow night marks the end of an era in our family. My husband has worked nights since before we were married eight years ago. During that time, he has gotten married, attended school full time for a BA in Philosophy, moved halfway across the country to attend graduate school, lost his first child to a terminal condition, had his wife crack up, get pregnant with the next, moved back to CA, had his wife have such a nervous breakdown that she had to go on SDI for almost a year, see his first son be born, find a new, full time job, move three more times after the move home, watch my dad die from pancreatic cancer, have another baby, and start a new BS degree in Civil Engineering. All the while, working nights and surviving (barely) on 3-5 hours of sleep in any given 24 hour period.
In other words, my darling, courageous, strong, patient, LONG-SUFFERING husband has been a walking zombie for a long time.
And tomorrow night, he will be free to join the daylight once again. Tomorrow night is his last time working at night, hopefully forever. I will have my husband home, at night, to do all the great things that families do together when they come together after a long day’s work. We’ll be able to eat dinner together. We’ll go to bed at the same time and be able to sleep in the same bed… at the same time… every night of the week! He’ll work with me to put the kids to bed so maybe, just maybe, they’ll have a more normal, defined routine. I’ll be able to snuggle up with him and watch a movie or Scrubs or one of my crazy reality shows that I like so much. Yippee!
You may ask how we will live. Well, patriocentrists beware! This woman has found herself a JOB! Outside the home! Yes, dear friends, I am serving as my husband’s helper suitable, meeting his greatest and most pressing need (namely, a normal schedule so that he can finish school and get a real job). I know he never thought I’d do it. And yet, what is an ezer for if she’s not one who will fight fiercely to build up and protect and strengthen the man to whom God has given her? How could I look at my husband and tell him that I was choosing housewifery (a NOBLE, AMAZING, EXHAUSTING, WONDERFUL calling) over being his helper suitable? I am my husband’s helper before I am his “domestic engineer”. I am my husband’s helper even before I am mother to my children.
When I thought of it in those terms, how could I do any different?
Do I give him Lydia Sherman’s answer to one’s husband when he asks her to go out and work? “Sure! After I finish all the laundry, cooking, sewing, decorating, cleaning, dusting, ironing, raising the children etc” (Now, this is not a direct quote, but it is the gist of something she said at the Christian Homemaking Conference back in 2007). Or do I put my own desires aside and do what is best for him and serve him in this way?
And for those scoffers out there, my children remain the care of my husband during the day and family members when he is in class.
Am I in this for a career? Certainly not. The day my husband gets a full time day job, I am OUTTA THERE! Do I enjoy my job? Oh yeah! I work for a great agency that gives referrals for non-profit social and health and human services agencies to people who call the toll-free number. I help homeless people find shelter. I help people pay find a way to pay their rent. I help people find food. I help people find work. I help people find counseling. I help people find domestic violence shelters. I help people find suicide prevention services. I point people to churches that can help them all day long. Do I enjoy my job? You bet I do!
This is a huge adjustment for me and my family. I haven’t worked full time since before my son was born. I have to rearrange my household tasks to accommodate the new schedule. Its taking some adjustment, for all of us, but I believe that God will bless us for our obedience to this particular call that he has placed on our family.
So, all this is to ask that you pray for us. Times are going to be tough. Prices are going up and, unfortunately, salaries are not. I need discipline. Anyway, congratulations to my husband! I’ll be glad to have you around! LOL!
ETA: Any negative comments about my husband of any kind will be instantaneously deleted with no explanation. I defy even the most ardent entrepreneurial patriocentrist agrarian to even attempt to work half as hard as my husband has to provide for his family.
EDITED AGAIN TO ADD: I have nothing whatsoever against having a career… I just don’t want one 
Yay! Night shift is not an easy one to work. My mom worked nights for 12 years until her plant was closed and sent to Mexico in April. Now she is a full time college student at age 57. Congratulations on getting to spend time with him at normal hours. Happy adjusting and I will be praying.
Cally…my prayers and heart go out to you and your family. You are in the middle of “startup”…we are in the middle of winding down.
Just a little word of experience here. Do not be surprised if you are called to remain in W2 arena down the line…and not just for reasons of financial necessity. I won’t say more. Just do not be surprised if such is the case.
Oh goodness, I hope you didn’t have to add that final edit because somebody actually tried to say something negative!
I will be happy to pray for your whole family, Cally. As you say it will take some adjusting, but God isn’t going to call you to do something without also equipping you to face the tasks ahead. Many, many blessings on your house!
God bless all of you, and may your “new” life be a wonderful one!
I think this sounds wonderful and shows what a family is all about. Every family is different and has different needs and responsibilities and you are working together which is so important, to me. I’m sure it’s going to be wonderful for your husband to be home at night with his family
How great that he has a wife who truly supports him and wants to do what is best for this season of life.
I would ask how anyone could be negative about this, but unfortunately I know all too well.
Your job sounds very interesting and very rewarding! Best Wishes to you and your family
We have been there. Working nights can be IDEAL for a student. But we were doing it about as long as y’all. . . Like yours, my Hubby is the hardest working man I know (except for his dad maybe–where do you think he learned that?)
Working nights, though, takes a toll. On health, family life. . . The reality is, while it can be great for a student or a retiree, when you’re in the midst of raising a family it is so much harder.
Prayers for you and yours during this time of transition.
Well done Cally!
I am so proud of you!
I especially liked how you said, “I am my husband’s helper before I am his “domestic engineer”. I am my husband’s helper even before I am mother to my children.”
Exactly so!
Please know that I’ll be praying for the transition to a healthier lifestyle!
{{{ Cally }}}
No one said anything negative, but after I posted this, I remembered what Jennie Chancey said in one of her articles about how if a wife has to work its a poor reflection on her provider. I didn’t want any of THAT garbage being sent to me. No one who has seen what my husband has gone through would even hint at the idea that he is a poor provider.
Cally – Your husband is a #$**&@, a #&%&&#***& – not to mention that he’s obviously a &%&%#$#&&%! So there!
Sorry, I just couldn’t resist.
This is great news. But don’t expect too much of the same go-to-bed times and cuddling until he catches up on more than 8 years of lost sleep. Wow.
Good luck in your new job. And pass my contragulations along to your husband. I worked graveyard shift for the first 10 years of our marriage (now in our 23rd year). Everything headed in a better direction once I moved away from that schedule and entered the world of semi-normality. I sense good things in store for your family!
I pray that God will heap blessings on you!
As your sister in Christ, I affirm you in your love for your husband. I trust you to know what is best for your family and to make wise choices. Your feminine heart will be strengthened and tested by this season. And your spirit will shine.
Congratulations to you, your husband and your family. Lots of love to all of you as you embark on your new journey.
And I also want to commend you for your work helping those in need. You’re a true treasure.
THIS is the work of the Lord that we profess to believe in! Cally, I don’t know you IRL, but I can say, as a student, being married, and with a healthy little guy, it is HARD. Going through what your family weather, well…Praise the Lord that He is not only there in our brightest days, but our darkest nights. What a testimony of love, FAITHFULNESS, and devotion!
Again, I’m so sorry about your loss. I can’t fathom what it would be like. I really can’t. But your family has my prayers, for healing, for health, for love, and just for plain enjoying life!
I’m also glad that you found such a rewarding job. We all know that the Lord places us in certain situations and places for His own reasons – I am glad you can be light in an office where such sad, dark parts of life are coped with. God bless you for your fortitude: having a job like that would break my heart. I don’t have the strength for it.
Congrats! Give your hubby a big hug and a kiss, even from me! Having a supportive spouse means the world to me; I wouldn’t be half the woman I am today without my husband’s love, prayers, and help. He loves me in spite of me.
Now THAT’S what a Christian husband and wife do. 
Cally, I cannot imagine how tired your poor husband must be! 3 to 5 hours of sleep a night? Boy, does he have some catching up to do. I pray that he will soon be “caught up” on sleep and be deeply refreshed.
The rigid “dad works, mom stays at home” paradigm can put a tremendous burden on both spouses. Your family is a case in point. I am so glad you are past that point and can now go on to a more “normal” life.
Your job sounds awesome … and if it should turn into a career, there’s no shame in that! Of course you will always put your family first, but it’s not mutually exclusive with working outside the home.
And, if I could gently add in .05 worth that you didn’t really ask for … from someone probably 20 or so years older than you … the stresses you and your DH have gone through the past few years are tremendous. They are also cumulative in their effects on your physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health. I implore both of you to take very good care of yourselves in every way possible. I heard a health professional say recently that “It is not possible to overestimate the effect that stress has on your health.” I’ve learned that the hard way myself in recent years. (Massage therapy is now a rline item in my budget.)
God bless you and your family!
Hooray!
I think your husband is lucky to have you, dear.
By the way, I’m enjoying your blog.
Cally said:
Am I in this for a career? Certainly not. The day my husband gets a full time day job, I am OUTTA THERE!
Cally-
God bless you if you stick with this and God bless you if you and your husband decide that you will continue working outside the home.
My wife makes a salary that is three times the average salary for most men. She does not serve her male boss, she is serving God first and Mike and Stacy Hutchison Incorporated second. Her income goes into our joint bank account, into mutual funds for our retirement, towards our help to maintain a widow in our family, towards our giving to missionary work, towards giving to the poor etc.
She can quit her job anytime she wants and stay home or she can remain working.
It is a decision we have made before the Lord and our conscience is free.
I think that if any of those woman hating girly men or their brainwashed wives post something negative that you should let it stand.
That way it will be plain to see their idiocy.
Blessings in Christ.
That’s tellin’ em!
You go, girl! And I will be praying for there to be a good adjustment to your new schedule!
I just don’t get where anyone outside of a marriage gets to pass judgement (except in cases of violence, where the point isn’t to pass judgement at all but to help the abused). Those folk who read the Bible through some filter of idealized victorian womanhood have received their reward. . . .
Congrats on having evenings with your husband. That is cool.
Let the vitamin D production begin in earnest!!
Congratulations.
My husband worked nights for five years while he attended seminary all day. It was very tough and I was thrilled to see it end. Many happy days and blessings for you and yours!
Enjoy! You are in my prayers for strength and grace and peace in the transition. Everyone at home and awake together will be a wonderful thing!
What a man you’ve got there! Amazing what our minds and bodies can do when need be. I concur with Light in #13 re: stress. You two have had more than your share.
Midnights are a bear. When DH worked them, getting a decent sleep was a huge problem as I tried to keep four little boys “quiet”.
Way to go Cally – sounds like you and your husband have got the sharing really well sorted. My prayers for your happiness, health and strength.
Don’t forget to pick up sunscreen for him on your next shopping run!!
Congratulations to both of you. Enjoy (finally) getting to be “newly-weds.”
Good luck to you in the transition. I also went back to work so that my husband could pursue his dream job. I have ended up enjoying it way more than I thought I would. Hope that it is as smooth for you.
Hi – I’m sorry to hijack this thread, but I’d love to hear folks’ response to the potential VP nominee for the Republicans. Pallin has apparently fought long and hard to protect abused women and is pro-life. I’m excited to hear more about this woman. So far, I think this is a great move on McCain’s part.
WWF Admins – feel free to delete this if you’d prefer to avoid political discussion here. I understand.
Oh wow, I hope your transition goes smoothly. I’m so glad that you’ll have more time together, and get to do more things together as a family in the evenings. Hurrah!
This is a cross post – I just posted this over on TW:
I wrote an email to a few friends this morning about Palin. Here’s what I said:
“Stand by for gnashing of teeth by the patriocentrists. Whatever will they do? Will they pick a non-conservative Obama, or go for the conservative pick who clearly doesn’t understand God’s created order? She has borne five kids – so we can’t call her womanhood into question. Palin’s husband is a two-time winner of the Ironman Snowmachine Race – so, we can’t call his manhood into question.
I’ll be popping popcorn and washing the fireworks and teeth-gnashing in the coming weeks.”
Yesterday, I was saying I’m done with politics and disgusted with it all. Today, I’m re-energized with Palin’s appointment. It really was a brilliant strategy move on McCain’s part – female, feminine, a “hockey mom,” a rep for fighting corruption and the good ole boys, an understanding of the geopolitics of energy, a son who is heading off to Iraq, a husband who’s a union member – what is not to love? I’m so glad McCain didn’t go with the same old same old. This should shake things up a bit.
Light : “Yesterday, I was saying I’m done with politics and disgusted with it all. Today, I’m re-energized with Palin’s appointment. It really was a brilliant strategy move on McCain’s part – female, feminine, a “hockey mom,” a rep for fighting corruption and the good ole boys, an understanding of the geopolitics of energy, a son who is heading off to Iraq, a husband who’s a union member – what is not to love? I’m so glad McCain didn’t go with the same old same old. This should shake things up a bit.”
Richard and Light,
They (WWF) may have to start a whole new thread just about this move by McCain and the reactions of the Patrios.
I agree, Light. This might actually get me to care about politics again.
Uhm…
Light…
Don’t make fun of my ignorance, but what’s TW?
Light – I feel exactly the same. I was not looking forward to this election until now. This is great.
Don’t forget – her son signed up for military duty on September 11th and her husband is involved in the oil industry in Alaska. It’s just perfect.
I just created a new blog header – thought ya’ll might like to see it.
http://richgelina.blogspot.com
I don’t have an opinion yet about Pallin (except what I think I read about her once a few weeks ago-LOL) but I certainly agree with everything in your post.
I spent a few years home with my kids. I wouldn’t trade those for the world. When we moved back to Kuwait I went back to work. We don’t need me to work to pay all our expense, but we did if we wanted to pay off our farm and put a fair amount into savings. My DH wants me to work and I’m working at a job in a school that I really enjoy. And I still enjoy all my kids all evening. I get breaks throughout the year (some of them actually coincide with kids’ breaks) and summers together. Best of both worlds, IMO. And I’m still be my husband’s ezer.
I know, guys, I know. I LOVE John Mcain’s move!! Hee hee
Don’t make fun of my ignorance, but what’s TW?
TW refers to the True Womanhood blog at http://truewomanhood.wordpress.com/.
Mara, I guess you aren’t white-washed enough yet.
I kinda thought so, Light. But I went there and couldn’t find your cross-post so figured TW may have been for something else. I’ve followed your above link and I still can’t find the cross post. So obviously I don’t know how to navigate around there yet.
I thought maybe we could talk about Palin over there rather than totally run away with Cally’s thread.
BTW Cally, I haven’t said congrats yet so….
CONGRATS!
Now back to this brazen hijack started by somebody else and happily continued by me.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/12997
The above link is to an article. It’s called 6 things the Palin pick says about McCain.
Kinda interesting.
But if left out one point.
Point # 7.
This confirms that McCain is not intimidated by strong women.
May God protect and keep you as you transition to having Daddy home more–and to working outside the home. May His oil of gladness help keep the gears moving in your family.
Kids need mom and dad around–and working a hubby into the ground is a good way to become a single mom. You are truly helping him, helping your kids, and helping others with your new job.
I agree with Light in #13–take the time to heal from all that stress.
Thanks to DB–I’ve found your blog–and I’m enjoying it very much!
My comment is that I find it pretty ironic after reading this site, with your scathing and sarcastic responses to others, that you now threaten to delete others’ comments. It fits right in with your threat to ban people, too…
Well, we haven’t banned anybody yet. We’ve got a comment policy and we stick to it. That’s all.
And Katherine, would you be so kind as to provide some examples of “scathing and sarcastic responses” by the women who blog here?
Cally,
((((hugs))))
Cally –
Our responses, I’ve noticed, are only ‘scathing and sarcastic’ when we say something someone else doesn’t want to hear.
So there’s a scathing and sarcastic response on my part, I guess.
There are too many to list–and, why would I need to provide examples? Are you interested in arguing that these comments do not exist?
You need to provide examples because you have accused us of sin and I, for one, would like to be aware of specifics so I can honestly consider your accusation. Otherwise, you just appear to be flaming this post with accusatory comments. It makes you look bad, not me.
In order for you to admit to sin, one has to prove your sin to you?
Yes. How can I repent of a sin of which I am not aware? Forgive me for not taking your word for it. Please see comment #43 for further explanation.
Do you truly want me to forgive you? This is pretty much what I initially observed. Sarcasm.
Cally,
How have you been enjoying evenings with your husband? How is your job going?
I’m praying for you and your family.
Tia
Again, Katherine, can you please explain how I have sinned against you? How can I ask for your forgiveness if I don’t know how I’ve injured you? I’m being serious here. You claim sarcasm, but I really do need examples.
Sarcasm isn’t a sin. Sarcasm is a form of humor. If you think that the sarcasm on this site constitutes a sin, then it shouldn’t be hard to provide examples of such.
Cally, my dear, my husband just sent me this and I thought immediately to share it with you!
http://tighroslin2008.com/
John McCain is a Cylon! So funny!
Katherine, I guess I am a bit dim, but I do NOT see how anyone here has sinned against you.
I, too, am interested in your claim of alleged sin. Could you please provide an example?
Please, don’t put words in my mouth–you are the one who translated my comment into an accusation of sin.
Katherine, if I misconstrued your accusations, I apologize. However, you still have not answer my thrice offered request. Right now, you look like you’re just blowing smoke.
“Right now, you look like you’re just blowing smoke.”
At this point, I can only LOL.
Well LOL all you wish, Katherine, but you’ve proven absolutely nothing here. You accuse Cally of bashing, ignore requests to provide examples, then huffily deny that you accused her of sin. You’ve done nothing here but dosi-do around with accusations and no proof; it’s entertaining to watch, but ultimately pointless. Are you going to continue your circle dance, or actually comply with Cally’s requests and prove that you’re not wasting anyone’s time?
[...] The End of an Era [...]