Lately I have taken to doing my gardening rather late in the evening. Here in Minnesota, the days have grown quite long and if I go out after supper is cleaned up, while the children are cleaning the playroom, I can be out for well over an hour with good light, and cooler temperatures.
I’ve never been much of a gardener. The work is often hard and physical. Especially here, where the birds help grow trees that sprout unexpectedly in the middle of flower beds and are a bear to get rid of. It’s also quite time consuming. It seems an insane amount of time is spent getting an area to look mediocre, during which time weeds have begun to sprout in an area I wasn’t working in.
But lately, it’s become my peaceful time. My contemplative time. My time with God. Some women may get this early in the morning, when they can be up before their families. I’m not that kind of woman. I pray often throughout the day, in the hope that God will center me, and now, at the end of the day, I have this time to pray and reflect with God.
So, the other day, I put on my iPod, started my Christian music playlist, and set out to prepare the flower bed for new seeds. And that’s when the song came on. It’s one I’ve heard a thousand times before, and yet, it had never struck me before how simple, honest, and true it was.
Caedmon’s Call, I’m So Thankful:
I ran across an old box of letters
While I was baggin up some clothes for Goodwill
You know I had to laugh that the same old struggles
That plagued me then are plaguing me still
I know the road is long from ground to glory
But a boy can hope he’s getting some place
But you see, I’m running from the very clothes I’m wearing
And dressed like this I’m fit for the chase
No, there is none righteous
Not one who understands
There is none who seek God
No not one, no not one
I am thankful that I’m incapable
Of doing any good on my own
‘Cause we’re all stillborn and dead in our transgressions
We’re shackled up to the sin we hold so dear
So what part can I play in the work of redemption
I can’t refuse, I cannot add a thing
‘Cause I am just like Lazarus and I can hear Your voice
I stand and rub my eyes and walk to You
Because I have no choice
I am thankful that I’m incapable
Of doing any good on my own
I’m so thankful that I’m incapable
Of doing any good on my own
It’s by grace I have been saved
Through faith it’s not my own
It is the gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast
I’ve been listening to this song for years. How did I not get it? How did I not connect? Did the Lord have to open my ears? And why was it so important for me to get it, right then? I know the Lord is working in my life to remind me that I am not in charge and that He is. A concept that should bring me peace. After all, who better to run the show than the One who created the heavens and the earth? And yet I, in my fallen human state, keep trying to wrest control from His grip. A futile and fruitless endeavor, I might add.
I said before that I rather fought becoming a Christian. At my young age I thought myself wise and superior. “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise” (1 Corinthians 1:27). And it was after I read Acts 26:14 “We all fell to the ground, and I heard a voice saying to me in Aramaic, ‘Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.‘” that my own heart was touched and it became suddenly clear to me that’s what I was doing. I was kicking against the goads, fighting my Lord and my God. It was useless, and painful, and suddenly I knew that I didn’t have to fight Him anymore.
Surrender, however, is something I still struggle with. Daily, hourly, sometimes minute to minute I seem to fight my own nature to surrender myself and all that I am to God. I still forget, and kick against the goads. Even now, when I have been a Christian for so long. Perhaps that’s why God touched my heart through a simple song I’d heard so many times that every chord is familiar. It may be an old struggle, but it’s one worth continuing. Because He will not let me go.
And I’m so thankful.
“How did I not get it? How did I not connect?” Anne, you’re not alone. Remember, Jesus spoke thus to His disciples in Mark 8:18 Having eyes do you not see, and having ears do you not hear? And do you not remember?
When we “see”, when we understand more about God and His word, it’s a work of His grace in our lives.
And of course, when we do see it, our only response is to be thankful.
I’m so thankful, too.
Your post was a blessing to me.
“I’m incapable” are the only two words to the song by Caedmon’s Call I could remember. Only through your post did I get the name of the group that sang the song. Thank you:) Enjoyed your testimony also.
Love your stamp-”Show me the scripture”.
Juanita