Sarah Mae at Like A Warm Cup of Coffee, recently wrote a blog post challenging women to say yes to their husbands for one day. An exercise in submission.
Now, submission is a touchy subject among Christian women. Many of us have a hard time submitting to God and He’s perfect. Submitting to a human man whom we well know is not perfect, is often even harder. Many of us aren’t even certain it’s necessary. And, frankly, I’m not going to get into all of that. I haven’t done enough of my homework to really present a well thought out and biblically researched response.
So, for this, I speak personally. I have a good husband. He’s a good person and a good man. He doesn’t ask things of me that are wrong. He only asks things of me that are, at times, inconvenient. My husband submits himself daily to the needs of this family, including me. And I know that most of the time, when I say no to him it is because I am stubborn, or am not offering myself up as a servant to him or my family.
I thought an exercise in submission would be a good thing for me personally. So, I did it. I took 24 hours and didn’t say no to my husband once. I felt so good about it! He was happy and attentive. I was happy to be serving him. Our home ran smoothly. It was actually a really good day!
So, at the end of it, I told him about my experiment, and how pleased I was with myself. You know what he said? “I didn’t even notice.”
You could have knocked me over with a feather. My jaw hit the floor. How could he not notice that I never said no? But I realized, he really had. He’d shown it in the way he related to me. It may not have been conscious, but our interaction showed his contentment. I’ll bet he would have noticed if I’d spent a day saying no.
I don’t think we have to say yes to our husbands all the time in order to be good wives. I think very often the differing opinions we have and share are things our husband may need to understand things in a new way, or look at things in a way he wouldn’t have otherwise. But I think it’s important to say yes unless there’s a really good reason to say no. I wrote that recently with regards to my kids, too. If we save “no” for when it’s important or necessary, it means more. I think if I say no just because it’s inconvenient, or because I’m being contrary, my husband feels that just as my kids do.
I got more out of the experiment than I thought, and I’m glad I participated!
Anne, can I just say…
AWESOME!
I love that you took the challenge with an open mind. It IS hard to submit to God, let alone our sinful husbands…that’s exactly why I posed the challenge. To remind us that we are all sinners and we all need grace. Plus, things do go a little bit more smoothly when we just say, “okay.”
This was cute. I like the pic, too.
I laughed bcz my hubby likewise, wouldn’t notice if I took 24 hrs to purposely not say no to him. And in my home, an actual “good day” wouldn’t be unusual.
But this reminded me of a similar experiment a few years ago.
I don’t know if anyone is familiar with atriptothewoodshed.com? But that forum challenged the girls to initate every day for thirty days. Made me wonder, what would y’all do without these challenges? It’s like, you’re doing someone a favor- a whole once a day! :rollleyes: Now you can check it off your list and have a clear conscience. Is that what this is all about? Trying to clear your conscience?
My hubby would be appalled and say, “no thankyou, if it’s not *your* idea.”
Unfortunately, many of the respondents admitted their husbands didn’t care what motivated the action- even when they told them it was a challenge where the participants were publically being “accountable” to the forum! I think this is wrong. Someone else will have to say why, but I just feel it is. it ain’ natural!
Anyway, what I struggle with is coming up with new surprises or gifts for my hubby. I complain to God about my lack of funds or opptys to obtain such things, but I manage to come up with something. Likewise, (I don’t expect it) but he usually brings me some wonderful little gift every day.
I greatly enjoyed reading this post, Anne.
So often we read things that are negative and critical, and there may be valid reasons for being negative and critical. For example – abusive situations. Abuse is real, and both men and women can abuse each other, or be manipulative. And it’s OK to talk about those kinds of matters. And even this exercise you describe must be done without a shadow of a manipulative motive, or out of a desire to prove that we are good people, in order to be pure and right.
And from where I sit there is a great deal of what is totally “all-right”, positive, and inspiring about what you describe, and not a hint of the negative, and that is refreshing. The above sounds like what life should be like in serving and ministering to one’s husband. And I think, for a sizeable percentage of marriages out there, this kind of “experiment” would work really well. It really doesn’t matter if it goes unnoticed by human eyes, after all – because this kind of thing is what we do for the Lord, not to please other people.
Instead of making me look on the dark side of things, this kind of post inspires me to “go and do likewise,” and I don’t think there is any higher compliment I could pay than that, so I will close.
That line stood out to me in the post about your kids’ too! love your hubby’s reaction! too funny!
momgodin,
Challenges are just that, to challenge us to something greater…to stretch us, help us step out of comfort zones, and hopefully find a fresh and positive way of living life. I sure hope it isn’t just something to check off, but rather to grow in.
For the record, I don’t believe your husband would turn you down for 30 days just b/c it wasn’t your idea, unless you were making it a chore or complaining about it.
Good post! And thank you for sharing your husband’s cute response!
What a sweet way to experiment in how to better love and serve the one you love.
“How could he not notice that I never said no? But I realized, he really had. He’d shown it in the way he related to me. It may not have been conscious, but our interaction showed his contentment. I’ll bet he would have noticed if I’d spent a day saying no.”
But that was not the experiment. :confused: (maybe it should be)
But you already said that you DO say no and he told you that he hadn’t noticed when you purposely said yes. That would indicate that he is usually content with your behaviour and your reasons for it, and this day was no different to him.
But you conclude that his contentment proved he really HAD realized. So it appears you’re saying that he just thinks he’s content.
FTR- I believe 1 Peter 4:8
“And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”
But to me, it’s not a challenge. It’s inspiration.
Great post! I’ll have to try it.
Actually, he thinks he just didn’t ask anything hard that day. LOL Trust me, he gets frustrated when I say no, especially when it’s just because I don’t want to. He’s really great at doing things for me just because I ask and I’m not always as good at doing the same in return. This really was a good exercise for me to put aside myself and remember to put his needs first, as he does for me.
Anyone see the movie “Yes Man”?
Mark 12: 29″The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.[e] 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[f] 31The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[g]There is no commandment greater than these.”
John 15:12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
Gal 5:You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature ; rather, serve one another in love.14The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
When we actually put the Word of God into practice- serving others with love- then God has promised blessing upon blessing. He will make His presence real to us (John 14, 15)! We will find success in everything we endeavor to do that honors Him (Psalm 1, Jeremiah 17:5-8). When trouble comes, our house will stand firm (Matt 7:25-27).
The commands of God are for all believers. Serving others in love, in honor preferring one another above ourselves, laying down our lives for the brethren, being the servant of all- putting into practice these commands brings the blessings of obedience for ALL PEOPLE.
It is not a gender-role issue, but a believer’s duty to put into practice the commands of our Lord.
Very nice post.
I try to remember this verse from Proverbs 31:
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
I can’t say that I live up to this every day, but this is my goal.
This was sweet. I wonder if your hubby will secretly try the same experiment with you.
Shadowspring, well said. Couldn’t agree more.
shadowspring,
I see things exactly the same way. Wonderfully put.
Now, to WALK in it…