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Archive for June 22nd, 2008

Taboo?

Would it be taboo to say that this post from LAF inspired me:

Parables Under My Roof

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On a Personal Note…

Would we encourage a person to preach who didn’t have a gift for public speaking (or any desire to be a preacher, for that matter)?  Would we encourage a person to be a nurse if they were squeamish about seeing blood?  Then WHY ON EARTH do some people expect that God has called all women to do one job?

Before my daughter became a full-fledged toddler, if you had asked me how many kids I wanted, I would’ve answered “as many as the Lord sees fit to give us”… and I’m not even QF!  I wanted a large family and really felt that I was destined for a giant dinner table with benches for seats.

And now, with only two little ones, I feel overwhelmed.  I can barely keep the house sane, let alone CLEAN it.  Our routines are constantly up in the air.  I am technically a crapper housekeeper and not a very good wife and mother.  And yet, this is my PASSION!  This is my CALLING!  And I SUCK AT IT!

I am only 30, so I think its likely that we’ll have a few more kids and I’d like to… but not before I get some more stuff figured out.

I need to take ownership of my home and the way we run things.  I can stop letting this stuff infiltrate my thoughts (I am still coming out of hyper-patriarchy, after all).  THIS is my home.  THIS is my family.  Its not out there in cyberspace on some other woman’s blog about her perfectly flawed home.  I’m responsible for what goes on HERE.  Its an exciting and daunting challenge.  Whenever I sit back and think about how serious this calling is, I slink back into my seat and ask God why He chose ME for this!  This is HUGE!  I can’t do it, Lord, I can’t!

But I can.  By virtue of the fact that I have these children; I am married to this man; I have been gifted with this beautiful home; I know that, by God’s power, I can do it.

So, where do I go from here?  I’m certainly not going to sit around lamenting about how I should’ve found a Titus 2 woman back in high school to teach me homekeeping and forgone my college education (something I’ve never regretted getting).  That doesn’t do any good for me now.

I can only take one day at a time and FLEE with all haste to the GOSPEL of Christ, to His GLORIOUS TABLE and feast upon Him, through Word and Sacrament.

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Many of you may be wondering who I am. Although I cannot go into too much detail, I will give you some understanding of where I am coming from in relation to Vision Forum and why I loathe VFM, hyper-patriarchy, and their ilk. My first encounter with VFM was not through the website; in fact, though I write about them now, I actually have very little time to devote to reading their websites. In my opinion, it is a waste of time. So much cyber ink and paper is wasted on the minutiae of how to live the truly holy Christian life. Can women not occupy themselves with far more important things for their souls and minds than how long or loose one’s dress is or what swimwear is appropriate??

I have friends who follow Vision Forum and similar teachings, and I also know a family that has very close personal ties to Doug Phillips. I was confronted by a fellow church member and basically called an adulterer and a harlot for choosing to practice birth control—that I was effectually castrating my husband. Did it matter that it was my husband’s choice too? Did it matter that I HATE pregnancy and each one makes me sick every day, all day?? Did it matter that my post-partum hormones sent me into depression? Did it matter that I contemplated killing myself? Did it matter that I planned out my suicide multiple times—where I’d go, what I’d wear, how I’d do it, etc.? Did it matter that I had borderline psychotic episodes? Did it matter that I had moments of homicidal rage against my husband and wanted to kill him? Did it matter that many days I couldn’t take care of my family because I laid in bed trying to sleep and hoping I would never wake up? Nope. All that mattered was that I was taking control over something that was God’s domain—my womb. Even if VF and Quiverfull were correct about family planning, I would still choose to live in sin (using birth control), rather than to lose my mind and my family. If God’s will is to take away my sanity or my life or my family, it will be through means that are not of my doing (for instance, Alzheimer’s disease, a car accident, etc.). Sorry, but I’m not willing to walk to the guillotine for birth control. For Christ? Yes. For having a larger family? No way—that is what adoption is for. The end result of me “opening my womb up to God” would be either a suicide, a murder-suicide, or life in a mental institution. Who would raise my ten kids then?

Two words for quiverfull advocates: Andrea Yates.

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